a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
