We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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