i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm just crazy horny about you
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
