He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
