Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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