hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Randomize
