he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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