how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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