so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
