You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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