Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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