I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Dear god my vagina.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
