I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
