mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
