I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
