you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
