You're so nebulous sometimes
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My cat gives me a boner
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
