A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
