party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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