i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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