He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
