im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
