Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
