Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
oh god was she eating orange peels again
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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