What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
