Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
