She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
