nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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