it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Congratulations! We have a period
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
