haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
