i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
