I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
