Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
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so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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