are you so shy because you have an std?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
