The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
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Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
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Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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