he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
