Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
