Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
