Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
