just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
