Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
should my penis look like a turkey
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
