I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
