thus making me awesome and them whores
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
