you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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