i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
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Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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