that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
