I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
