help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
