I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
