is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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