Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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