benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
