Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
