high people should be assigned attendants
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
