I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
