Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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