Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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