Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Houston, we have a blender
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
