Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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