I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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