It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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