My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
