She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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