I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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