An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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